It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
