Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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