just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
