currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
