Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize