you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We need to rekindle our bromance
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
