The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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