i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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