So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
did i walk over a car last night?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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