I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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