I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
