I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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