proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
