I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
