She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When are your genitals available?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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