i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
