I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
