so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
