Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
