My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
