If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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