Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
