I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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