New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
