walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just gargled with NyQuil
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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