The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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