the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize