Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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