i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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