i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
