I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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