pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
