he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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