I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
