i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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