She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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