I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
