I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
