dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
