so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
