next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
