OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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