dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
