Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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