apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you would pick up someone in the library
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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