I hate all girls vehemently.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
