you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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