Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
