Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
