i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
