Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize