i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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