my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
