How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
