I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
