Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
