Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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