I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
