I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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