All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
