No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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