Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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