Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
