i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
