I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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