whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
