thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
pop tarts are not kleenex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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