I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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